As far as medals go, you can kiss your Djbouti goodbye

The 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil have come to an end. By most accounts this year’s Olympic games were a huge success, primarily because there have been no reports of anyone contracting the Zika virus.
While the U.S. Olympic teams were racking up the medals (as of the writing of this column the U.S. had almost twice the number of medals as second place Great Britain and China, who are tied) there are countries which actually have won no medals. In fact, there are 107 countries which have won no medals this year. Not even a bronze. The list includes countries such as Djibouti, Vanuatu and Kiribati.
I have actually heard of Djibouti but have no idea where it is. I just like typing Djibouti. Djibouti, Djibouti, Djibouti. (deep breath) OK, I think it’s out of my system.
As for the other two, I did not even know they existed. I actually thought Vanuatu was an old Olivia Newton John movie…but it turned out to be something completely different.
Along with those countries, the Refugee Olympic Athletes have not fared any better. It’s probably pretty tough to prepare for the Olympics when you’re always on the move and have no place to train.
I would think there are tell-tell signs that a country may not win any medals. Actually, I’m pretty sure there are and I want to share the Top 20 signs why your country did not win an Olympic medal in Rio.
You know your country did not win an Olympic medal because…
20. …the beach volleyball team coach’s best advice was, “One of you try to kick sand in their eyes while the other serves the ball.”
19. …the riflery team’s best shooter was wearing dark sunglasses and walking with a long white cane.
18. …the springboard diver’s signature dive was the cannonball.
17. …a gymnast mounted the pommel horse, grabbed a handle with one hand, put the other hand over his head and started yelling, “Yeehaw, ride ‘em, cowboy!”
16. …the entire team’s motto was “Can we go back home now?’”
15. …the rhythmic gymnastics team pranced to the Barney theme song.
14. …every fan for your country showed up wearing a paper bag with a crayon drawing of the country’s flag on it.
13. …the shotput entrant achieved a personal best throw at the games by not dropping it on his foot.
12. …the runner competing in the 100-meter dash showed up wearing Crocs.
11. …the table-tennis team tried to play using a racquet.
10. …the cross-country runners got winded just running from the locker room to the track.
9. …the soccer team trained on a dirt field and used an air-filled hog’s bladder for a soccer ball.
8. …the Grego-Roman wrestling team showed up to compete wearing togas.
7. …the fencing team brought hammers, nails, pickets and white paint.
6. …the team’s best platform diver froze on the 10-meter (32.8 feet) platform because of a fear of heights.
5. …the equestrian team competed while riding llamas.
4. …the entire Olympic team traveled to the Rio Grande rather than Rio De Janeiro for the games.
3. …the track team used the stop-drop-and-roll technique for clearing the hurdles.
2. …your country showed up at the games with an Olympic bobsled team ready to compete.
1. …the team’s best gymnast spent most of her turn under the balance beam with her arms and legs wrapped around it.
And there you have it. Of course, I do have one final thing to say before wrapping up this column. Djbouti.